Road Trip DEGRASSI STYLE!
by Oyster Boy
Summary: The Degrassi kids take a summer road trip to America! With some very special cameos. What sort of hijinx will they get into this time?
1. Love & Hot dogs

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi…still. Lol!. But this story is all my own!!!_

**ROAD TRIP—DEGRASSI STYLE!**

**Chapter One: Love and Hot Dogs**

Spinny McSexypants (as he liked to call himself) was a desparate man. He had been enjoying his usual snack of fifteen delicious hot dogs when the unthinkable happened—the hot dogs _betrayed_ him! More to the point, he was choking. Tears glistened in his bug dumb eyes. He didn't expect a lot from people, but he never dared dream a _hot dog_, his only true love, could do this to him!

Fortunately the Craigster, the Craigman, the Craiggy McOmigodithinkhelookedatmeohmygodhelookedatmeoheissohot was prepared. He shot out of his seat like a rocket that was sitting in Craig's seat, and pulled Spinner up. Craig wrapped his strong but gentle arms around Spinner's waste and Heimliched him into survival, making sure to give him an extra squeeze. They were good friends. It wouldn't do for Spinner to think Craig no longer cared.

"Dude you saved him!" Jimmy said approvingly.

"Dude, I know. I was sooo scared but I was like, dude, if this happened to me I'd so want someone to help me," Craig replied, relieved.

"Dude, where'd that hot dog go?!" Spinner demanded, searching under the seats for his lost love. Finally, he found it. He kissed it hello, and shoved it in his mouth, savoring the delicious flavor of various animals shoved into one meat.

"So like, what are we doing here?" Paige asked, leaning on a bus seat. She was in the front with the girls. The boys were in the back. It wasn't a sexist thing, Paige and her homegirls were just gathered around the bus driver. He was a sexy piece of sex. Three hundred and fifty pounds of pure, hairy fat. Paige could see his guy poke out from his shirt, and she almost swooned. _So this is what love tastes like_, she thought approvingly. Bus Driver Stu was just so hot.

"Bud Driver _Stu_?! More like Bus Driver _Stud!!!_" Ellie cried out. The girls applauded.

"Oh, yeah," Liberty said, sexily licking her lips.

"Totally dreamy," Emma sighed.

"Oh, look at him. Drive that bus, baby!" Manny said. Fat was in. Except for some people. Some people like…

Tubby Terry McFatcakes was sitting in the middle of the bus. Not because she was confused about her gender or anything, it was just the only way the bus could move. If she was in the front or back, it would lean in that direction so horribly even the magic of Bus Driver Stu(d) couldn't fix it.

"God, Paige, you're so shallow," Ashley Kerwin said, applying a months worth of eyeliner around her eyes. "Just like a certain _Craig_ I know!"

"What do you mean, Ash?" Paige asked, incredulous.

"Well he's obviously got so much more going on for himself than his _sexiness_. I can just tell. We have kindred souls," she said, admiring the way his hunchback bounced when they went over potholes.

"Yeah, you're right," Ellie said, staring longingly at the hairs coming from his back. She wanted to braid them.

"I hope we never get to Montana," Emma confided in her currently best but probably not later friend Manny Santos.

"What I thought you'd like this tour of the Pacific Northwest of the United States that Ellie, Ashley, Sean, Paige, Spinner, Liberty, JT, Toby, Tubby Terry, Hazel, Marco, you, and I are on."

"Yeah, but every time we stop the bus we lose a little more time with…_him_…she said dreamily."

Manny looked back at the lovebucket driving the bus. "You're right. He's so dreamy."


	2. Surprise!

**Chapter Two: Surprise!**

****

"Chris I need to talk to you," Rick said angrily. Rick was very angry. He was often angry. It's because he wore glasses.

"Oh hey Tub-Thumpin'," Chris said in a monotonous voice, pronouncing each syllable with deadly slow accuracy. Rick was called Tub-Thumpin' because of his love for Tubby Terry.

"Our women are gone and they have _no right_ to leave us. What if they get into a bus accident? Or find new men? We cannot let them do this!"

"What do you think we should do, Tub-Thumpin'?" Chris asked slowly.

"I say we steal a car and drive down there ourselves!"

"Noo! Leave him alone!" Ms. Canada 2004 shrieked as Chris put an arm around Rick. "Stay away from my soun!" she said in a thick Canadian accdent.

"No mother its okay he's my friend," Tub-Thumpin' Ricardo said.

"Ooh, well what's this all aboot?"

"Mother we're taking your car if you try to stop me so help me sweet glorious Satan I will knock you down!"

"Ooh noo!" she cried "here bastard spawn of fatso girlfriend abuse chapter of Satanism take my keys!b

"Come, Christopher McTokenraplovinggooddjblackguy, it's time we set off!"

"Okay, but first let me get my equipment, I can't go anywhere without rap!" Chris replied, shoving imaginary equipment in the back seat.

"come on lets go go go!" Icky Ricky yelled "Before I mash you like a potato and grind you into smithereens."

"I'm black" Chris replied.

"Don't hurt me!" Rick shrieked.

"I'm ready lets go."

"Please I have a family don't kill me!!!!!"

"It's okay you invited me remember?"

"Oh sorry, mom always warned me about hijackers."

"Its cool brother"

And they were off to save the women!


	3. The Tragic End of Bus Driver Stu

**Chapter Three: The Tragic End of Bus Driver Stu**

****

"Omigod, did you see that?!" Marco squealed, braiding Ellie's hair. "Bus Driver Stu just like _totally_ winked at me!" Marco was gay. He appreciated a hot little hottie bus driver man when he saw one.

"Hey Marco why are you up there, honey?" Spinner called to the front of the bus. He was lonely without Marco. They were good friends.

"Spinoid mah man if you bes all Marcola dis Marcelie dat why dizzon't y'all bebop go hizzle me numbah one brahizzle," said Jimmy. There were times when no one understood Jimmy. But it was okay, he continues being black.

"Why young James, that would make everyone question my sexuelneassity," Spinner said, trying to sound intelligent and hip. Spinner could understand Jimmy. They were also good friends.

"Reow chicka reow chicka reow reow reow," retorted Jimmy.

"How dare you!" Spinner raged. He raised a fist to hit Jimmy with then Jimmy handed him a package of hot dogs. Spinner forgot all about the punching. He loved hot dogs.

"Marcooo!" Paiged cried. Marco was licking the inside of Bus Driver Stu'ds ears. He didn't seem to mind.

"GOD Marco can't you at least wait until get get off the bus?" Ashley pouted, pretending she never liked that fatass sumbitch anyway. Ashley's parents were both white, but her skin was mysteriously the exact same shade as Jimmy's, who is decidedly black.

"Okay guys this is Montana," Bus Driver Stu said in a sexy gruff voice. "Over there are the fjords. Now _get out_."

"Excuse me, what's a fjord?" Paige asked, hesitant to give up Bus Driver Stu now.

"Duh, it's a brand of cars created by Harry Fjord," Master Craig retorted.

"It's _Henry Ford_," Jimmy said. "Fjords are something else."

"Oh, what then?!" Craig demanded.

"How should I know? I'm black," Jimmy replied.

"Oh sorry dude, you act so normal," Craig apologized.

"It's coolsville daddio," Jimmy slapped Craig on the black.

"Hey wait a minute you said black not bohemian!" Spinner cried.

"You guyssss!" Marco ran up crying. He was often crying. It must have been because he was so Italian. "Bus Driver Stu says he's not GAY!"

"You couldn't tell when he brought that stripper into the bus?" Sean asked.

"I thought that was for you guys to be entertained while we enjoyed his sexiness," Marco pouted.

"What about when he made Ellie take over the wheel so he could have sex with the stripper?" JimmEbola asked.

"I thought he was teasing me," Marky Marco said sadly.

"What about when he was getting that 'god hates fags' tattoo on his scrumptious manneck?" Spinner asked.

"Duh! It's called _flirting_!" Marcie said.

"Dude, you're a fag," Spinner said, defending his own masculinity before it was questioned.

"I _know _Spinny-pie! That's the whole _point_!"

"Well, take off that silly hat," Spinner shot back.

Marco's eyes watered. No one liked his hats.

Meanwhile, Bus Driver Stu slammed the doors of his bus closed and drove off. He smirked. They always were fooled by his sexiness. Now it was time to hunt for some sexy, sexy gold. That will show them!


	4. Dude Montana SUCKS

**Chapter Four: Dude, Montana Sucks**

****

"Dude, Montana sucks," Spinnazle said.

"Yeah. Look at that mountain. It doesn't even have a deadly avalanche," Jimbrizzle conceded.

"Omigod you guys I just saw like the hottest little flower-cap. It had flowers! And wheat! It was sooo cool I just _had_ to get it! See?!" Marcolizzyfrazzle said, prancing around in yet another silly hat.

"Dude that is a HAT-astrophe," Craiggykazzle replied.

"Yeah dude, it's like a hat…for fags…" Spinner said, being clever.

"But Spin, I also got you a 'I Heart Hot Dogs' hat," Marco pouted.

"Haha! He sure loves hot dogs!" burned Jimmy.

"Dude," Sean said, stealing Marco's hat, "I have kleptomania.

"Duuuuude, that hat is so gay," Spinner said of Marco's flower cap, while trying to eat the hot dog cap.

"Duuuuude," burned Craig.

"Craig! Let's go have sex okay?" Manhandle Manny said.

"Yeah okay" Craig replied.

**XxX**

"Hey look we're in Montana," Rick said angrily.

"How can you tell?" Chris asked slowly.

"Well, I think I just saw a deer."

"Oh you must be right."

**xXx**

"Craig I'm pregnant" Manny said sadly after a rousing game of sex.

"Oh no, I'll take care of it with you" Craig replied lovingly.

"No I just had an abortion with this clotheshanger. Sorry," Easy Maneasy said.

"My heart is breaking Manny how could you do this to me?!"

"Well I have a life too you know I can't waste it on babies."

"How MANNY (ha, Manny) do you plan to abort anyway?" Scrumptious Scraig asked.

"Well maybe not Clay Aiken's, but that one is special," Mollycoddle Manny said.

"Well yeah I can understand that decision," Corduroy Craig replied.

"Hi, guys! I'm looking for some fish. Do you have any fish?" Clay Aiken asked.

"No sorry" Manny replied, rubbing his sexy toes.

"Oh, well Manny I wanted to tell you it's okay that you keep getting pregnant and aborting. I had the same experience when I was younger, it's just a silly kid's game. Don't let anyone bring you down," Clay Aiken smiled.

"Aww, thank you Clay. You're so sweet," Manuela mesmerized.

"Hey Manny you're the school slut!" Emma shrieked.

Manny cried. "No one loves me."

Craig glared at her. "You're disgusting, ex-pregnant girl!"

"Shun! Talk to the hand 'cause the face ain't listening," burned Ashley.

"Brick wall!" called Hazel.

Manny spit on Hazel's hand. "Grafitti!" she burned.

"Oh no cooties!" shrieked Hazel.

"No, those cleared up last week," Mannish said.

"Oh, you're cool then" Paige said.

"Hooray!" Manny replied, doing a cheer-kick.

"Where are we going next?" Manny asked.

"Idaho," Jimmy said.

"No, UDAHO," Sean said, pointing threateningly at Manny while stealing her barrets.

"Hey dudes whats the opposite of Idaho?" Craig asked. "IDAPIMP!!!!"

"You sure are," Idaho Manny replied.

"Thanks babe. Wanna get pregnant again?" Idapimp Craig replied.

"Sure!" Manny said. So she did.


	5. This is Chapter Five

**Chapter Five: This is Chapter Five**

****

"Fo shizzle Mannizzle," Craig said, smoking a cigarette. That's what you do after a rousing game of sex.

"Oh Craig I've never felt closer to you…baby…will you abort our latest lovechild for me?"

Crazy Craig Crybaby felt himself crying. "You mean it my lovedish?"

MC Manny Mae was silent for a moment. "Yes."

**XxX**

"CHRIs will you stop that infernal racket I have to concentrate on being ANGRY," Rick said angrily.

"Hey…you…'re…a…bout…to…hit…a…whale…" Chris said incredibly slowly. Of course Rick had already smashed into the blubber fiend right when Chris said "hey", but he was also slow enough to ignore that.

"Oh no my lovecake!" Rick screamed angrily. It wasn't a whale at all! It was none other than Tugboat Terry!

"Well…it…seems…like…"

"HOW DARE SHE RUN INTO MY MOM'S CAR LIKE THAT I'M GOING TO GO BEAT HER UP!!!!!"

"…you…ex…press…your…love…"

"AND WHEN I'M DONE I'M GOING TO GET BACK INTO THE CAR AND HIT HER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"…by…hit…ting…her…"

"AND THEN AFTER MY MOM'S CAR IS COMPLETELY"

"…so…"

"DESTROYED I WILL _KICK HER_! YES I WILL KICK HER A LOT OF TIMES! SHE WILL BE SORRY!!!!!!"

"…she'll…un..der…stand…and…take…you…back…"

Of course Rick had already accomplished all he had set out to do, and Totallyfat Terry was in another coma.

**xXx**

"Hey Terry's out of her coma," Crater Craig remarked three minutes later.

"OMIGOSH!" Paige cried ."I was so scared! I thought I'd cry for like, five seconds! Omigosh!"

"I'm going to go pretend to beat up Rick then run away crying I'M JUST LIKE HIM for no apparent reason whatsoever. BRB," Spinner said.

"Now THAT is a man," Paige said, checking out his Spinass appreciatively.

"You're telling me," Craig sighed dreamily. "I mean…hey look, Clay Aiken is back!"

"Now Terry, I was going to tell you that it's okay that you keep going back to your abusive boyfriend. My dad/mom/boyfriend/sister/beard girlfriend did the same for me, but at first I thought you were that almost-hot-if-she-didn't-have-such-a-huge-schnoz girl over there. And now that I know who you are, JESUS CHRIST WOMAN. I'm CLAY AIKEN, THE NICEST MAN ON THE PLANET, BUT FUCKING CHRIST YOU'RE _SO FAT! _God, go on a diet or something! And eeew! What's that smell? FISH?! Who eats fish anymore?!?! You put the fat back in "god that bitch is so fat", that's for sure," burned a disgusted Clay Aiken.

"Did he call me hot?" Terry asked between bites of fish-on-Hostess. She smiled happily. Clay was so cute! But Rick loved her. She knew it because he gave her little sissy slaps and her little sissy skin somehow got bloody over it from time to time.

"Oh Rick I love you," Terry sighed. She went on eating delicious fish-on-Hostess. Terry loved to eat.


	6. And then some stuff happened

**Chapter Six: And then some stuff happened**

****

"I'M JUST LIKE HIM," Spinner wailed for no reason whatsoever, running away from Rick like a scared little lambykins.

"Spin Doctor Dizzle, wait!" Paigjama cried.

Tubby and Tub-Thumpin' were over on a field kissing intensely. "I love you my little oyster buffet," Tubby whispered into Tub-Thumpin's ear. Rick mowed over her in his mother's car. It meant they were back in love, more than ever before.

"Hel…lo…Em…ma," Chris said slowly.

Emma, who was making out with Manny (they were best friends again), turned to Chris. "Chris! Hi!"

"Hey Chris, nice hat" Crizzageshalymo said appreciatively.

"Haha nice taste in hats, CHUMBAWUMBA CHUMPOLA," Marco burned.

"Dude, he's got a good hat," Spinner interjected, taking a momentary reprieve from pointless self-pity.

"Yeah Mar_gay_, don't be so jealous!" Sean exclaimed.

Marco, crying as usual, sat down and decided to fashion a crude hat out of daisies. He'd show them. He'd show them all!

"So…Em…ma…"

"Hey you guys where'd Bus Driver McHottiekins go?" Ashbucket asked.

"…how…are…you…"

"Omigosh he's not back yet?!" Ellieaine asked.

"…do…ing…on…this…"

"Oh no I wanted to see if he was gay yet," pouted Marcello.

"…trip…to…"

"Hey guys what are we doing here anyway there's nothing in Montana!"

"…Mon…tan…a…?"

"I'm fine Chris what are YOU doing here and with Rick?!"

"Bitch…don't…try….to…tell…me…"

"Yeah should we go somewhere else now?" Big Jim McJim asked.

"…who…my…friends…are…"

"Where would we go?" asked Mannizle Manny

"…I'll…cut…you…"

"UDAHO" burned Spinner.

"Spindazzle it ain't no slice o' dayam when y'all do izzit ya know what I'm sizzayin homeslice mcfadden sheeyat" Jamie said.

"Word," Spinner agreed.

"Sheeyat bro don't be hatin' on mah peeps!"

"No I was kidding I'm sorry Jymi don't be mad," Spinner said. "I RUIN EVERYTHING I'M JUST LIKE RICK!"

"Hey! A moose!" Craig cried.

"No, that's Tubby Terry. Hey I think Rick's dead!" Pygmy said.

"Oh no she laid on top of him!!!" Marco said.

"Marco, take off that stupid hat," Crabby Crab Craigo said.

Marco pouted.

"Hey what do we do about Rick?" Liberty asked.

"Let's eat him!" Terry said excitedly.

"Poor Tub-Thumpin'…he was so young."

"Wait maybe they have witch doctors in America and we can bring him back to life. Jimmy should know, he's from Africa," Mandangle said.

"Good idea! Jimmy, do you know where we can get an African witch doctor?" Sean asked.

"Do I ever!" Jimmy smiled.


	7. Hells yeah nizzle sheeyat

**Chapter Seven: Hells yeah nizzle sheeyat**

****

"Okay let's get started," Jinizzle said.

"but Jimmaladeopazizzle you didn't get the witch doctor!" Ellie protested.

"Yeah," Sheen agreed.

"Dude, Manny said it her ho-self," Jimmy replied. "I'm black. That means that I _am_ a witch doctor!"

"I'll take that bet," Spinnyboyblue said.0

"Alrizzle Spunky Spinnazzle Spinnycakes McHeezy wheezy jeezy fahv mah bro slice geez sheeeeeeeeeeyat mo neezay Rick da Prick mo fizzle fo ril quizzay mcfizzay shebang wang a lang bang bang Tub-Thumpin' Tubby woah gizzy heboleezy kreezy Jeezy Meezy Tweezay Kay kay dayamn bro dawg like woah quizzle bo bang mow fow hizzle," Jimmy said.

Rick rose from the dead.

"Grumble grumble," Spinner grumbled, taking out five dollars and handing it to Jimmy.

"Thanks bra," Jimmy smiled. He was smiling because he was five dollars richer, and had a fresh Rick on his hands. Which, since everyone besides stupid ass I-love-beatings Tub-girl hates him, might not be something worth smiling about.

"Well done," Claiken approved.

"Yeah," Manny said while aborting her latest baby.

"LOVERBOY" Fatty cried, smothering Rick the Dick with sloppy kisses. Pricky Ricky responded by hitting her on the face bunches of times.

"Awwwww," Liberoso said.

"Sooo cute," Paigimini agreed.

"I wish I had a boyfriend like that. Unlike MarGAY over there, who's too GAY to be a proper boyfriend," Ellie pouted.

"Heyyy!" Marco cried.

"Don't feel bad, Marco. Here," Sean said, ripping out his eyebrows and fashioning them into a lovely hat for Marco.

"Ooooh! Thank you so much," Marco said, kissing Sean's masculine cheek.

"No prob my man," Sean said, his monster eyebrows immediately regrowing on his face.

Marco put his delicious new hat on.

"Dude, Marco, take off that silly hat," Craig demanded, setting the hat on fire.

"Oh, poo! No one appreciates me," Marco conceded sadly.

"Hey Marco let's make out," Dylan said.

So they did.


	8. Nobody Loves the New Girl

**Chapter Eight: Nobody Loves the New Girl**

Thomasina Hatzilakos, Miss Hatzilako's niece, ran to the Montana field. She was too busy being all hip and edgy to get to school on time, so she missed the bus. Thomasina had a dark spirit. She was very unique. Oh yes, very unique. I mean, she wore boots and everything!

"Hi, guys! I'm the new girl," she said, smiling. Thomasina immediately walked over to Ashley's camp and glared at Craig with the rest of them. "I'm in love with you Craig. Grrr. Must keep up appearance to please Ashley Kerwin."

"Hey aren't you from second grade?" Spinner asked.

"Yes I moved to California where all the cool mysterious new kids are mysteriously from and now I'm back all cool and mysteriously. Don't you think I'm hot? I mean, I've got hair now. HATE YOU CRAIG."

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" Craig asked.

"Dude, she's an idiot."

Ashley and Paige looked at each other and nodded. They set he new girl's hair on fire with the burning hat embers.

"Bitch, no one likes that new girl crap."

"But you haven't met my friend Mary Sue!"

"Mary Sue? Is that the girl who plans to be beautiful and perfect in every way, sending myself and Hazel into a downward spiral of jealousy and cruelty but then it's okay because this being of good and light either saves the day when something catastrophic—_cat_astrophic, not _hat_asptrophic," Paige looked pointedly at Marco's silly hat, "and quite possibly dies so Hazel and I learn a valuable lesson and cry our sad little eyes out?"

"Well, yes," Thomasina said nervously. "But come on, look at me. I'm so pretty! And rebellious! Look at my boots. Sean, you like me don't you?"

"Not really," Sean replied apprehensively.

"But everyone is supposed to! Everyone buy Jealousy McJealous over there! Come on! I'm _the new girl_!" Thomasina cried.

"You've been plizzayed izzout girl please like woah how many before yizzou figizzure out da ending yoself hmmmm?" Jimmy asked.

Suddenly, Thomasina's mask fell off, and the great beast, Satan himself, appeared. He roared and flew away on devil's wings.

"Paige? Do you really hate my hat?" Marco asked sadly.

"Face it, Marco. You've got awful taste in hats. Being gay doesn't automatically make you a fashion connoisseur," Paige said.

"Shriek!" Manny shrieked.

"What is it my dirty secret?!" Craig called out to her.

"I can't find my clotheshanger!"

"Huh? Day?" asked Spinner with his mouth stuffed with hot dogs.

"Naw beeyatch please cloazehanga sheeyat," Jimmy retorted.

"Oh, okay," Spinner replied, his mouth stuffed with hot dogs and some chili.

"Why do you need your clotheshnger, Manny?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah," Spinner said, his mouth overflowing with hot dogs, chili, shaving cream, nachos, bacon bits, some ants, and a dragonfly trying desperately to escape with the help of a benevolent bee.

"Oh, you guys! I'm pregnant and there's nothing I can do about it!" Manny sobbed.

"Hey, I can hit you in the stomach a lot. That might help," Rick said helpfully.

"Oh, Rick. You're so sweet," Tubby McFatty said, slobbering all over him.

"I could build a complicated device out of some sticks and some of Tubby's fat to make the Abort-O-Matic," Liberty said.

"Hey, Manny, why do you keep getting pregnant anyway?" Paige asked.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that I'm the victim of a horrible slut-inducing trauma, _Paige_," Manny replied pointedly.

"Hey, did someone eat the new girl?" Craig asked.

"No," Spinner replied, his mouth full of bloody new girl flesh.

"Hm. Oh well. Guess he wanted his costume back.

"YO YA YO YO," Jimmy cried into the microphone. "I'MA WIZZOU UP THE WAZOO/KNEW IT EVA SINCE I SAW YOU/ALABAMA ROAD PATROL/I NEED ME SOME PETROL/HEEZY BEEZY BREEZY/LIL' ORPHAN EASY/BOW WOW WOW YO YO WOW WOAH/JIMINY CRICKET HERE TO TELL YOU WHAT MY NAME IS/BECAUSE THEN YOU'LL KNOW WHEN I AM REALLY FAMOUS/RAP IS GOOD/I LIKE CATS/ URGIN SHLURGIN BURGIN BABY PLEASE BABY PLEASE/ EASY FEEZY MCHEEZY CRATER CAKIZZLE DRIZZLE BIZZLE MCFADDEN." He dropped the microphone and walked away.

"That was the best concert ever," the zombie slaves agreed in unison. Everyone smiled. Jimmy was great at rap.


	9. Idaho? No, UDAHO!

**Chapter Nine: Idaho? No, UDAHO!**

****

"Hey, we're in Idaho," Emmy Sunshine said.

"IDAHO?! More like UDAHO," Spancakes said, pointing at Manny.

"Idapimp," Craiggory added.

"Hahaha that never gets old!" Sean laughed hysterically. Sean loved to laugh.

"How did we get to Idaho?" Manny asked.

"HAHAHA YOU SURE ARE," Jimjam said. Everyone laughed.

Manny pouted. "What if my baby is allergic to potatoes?"

"Jesus, you still haven't got that thing removed?" Paige asked, disgusted.

"No," Manny replied sadly.

"HEY PAIGEYRABBIT, I'M THE ONE THAT STOLE MANNY'S CLOTHESHANGER. SHHH," Ashlame yelled discreetly.

"I WILL TELL NO ONE THAT ASHLEY KERWIN, THAT GIRL OVER THERE, IS THE ONE THAT HAS FORCED MANUELA SANTOS TO LEARN FROM HER PREGNANCY MISTAKES. I SOLEMNLY SWEAR," Pug yelled back.

"OH. GOOD. I WAS WORRIED THERE FOR A MOMENT THAT YOU'D _GOSSIP_!" Ashley yelled.

"WHAT!? YOU DON'T TRUST ME?!" Paige demanded loudly.

"WELL YOU'RE KIND OF A GOSSIP…" Antithetical replied.

"I'LL SHOW YOU A GOSSIP!" Pylea screamed. "Hey guys, did you hear? Ashley Kerwin stole Manny's clotheshanger," Paton whispered.

"Ass! How could you?!" Jism demanded.

"Well, it was pretty easy," Kernel replied. "I mean, she left it right out in the open. I was saving it from coyotes!"

"Coyotes? What would coyotes want with bloody baby remnants?" Elnique asked.

"What _wouldn't_ they want with it?" Krazy laughed.

"Aww…you're so right," Muppet said affectionately. "Let's be best friends."

Ashley and Manny hooked arms and skipped off together.

"Idaho?" Spinner asked. "THEYDAHOS!"

"Spin…take off that stupid hat," Marco grumbled.

The tables sure turned now!!


	10. The Tragic Return of Bus Driver Stu

**Chapter Ten: The Tragic Return of Bus Driver Stu**

****

"I'm not wearing a hat. That's my hair, dummy," Spin Docta Deazzle replied.

"You can't hate his HAIR MarCO, it's JUST like DYlan's," Paincake added.

"Just because I have sex with him doesn't mean he's all that hot, Pagu. What are my other options? There's like three fagboys in all of Canada, and one of them is a _waiter_! I don't THINK so…" Marco said flamboyantly. He was so gay.

"Hey, kids," a gruff voice said. "Let's go."

The Degrassians all looked up at the giant yellow school bus. They were sure surprised!

"Bus Driver McHottiekins!" Ellie squealed. "What are YOU doing here?"

"Oh, I was just taking my 100% pure golden bus out for a spin when I remembered you kids here and decided to take you to Oregon now," he said in a moment of loquaciousness.

"But we just got to Idaho," Manny pouted.

Spinner jabbed Jimmy in the ribs. "She sure is _da ho_," he said.

"It's getting old, dude."

Spinner frowned. Everyone loved his jokes! Everyone! "Marco, take that stupid hat off," he said angrily. Marco sadly obliged.

"No one likes Idaho. That's why it has such a stupid name," Bus Driver Stu informed the kids. "So let's go."

"Hmm…makes sense," Toby said. "By my calculations I'd say this past five minutes we've spend in Idaho shows pretty much all you ever need to know aobut Idaho."

"Well, is Oregon any better?" Ashley asked her stepbrother. They were always fighting.

"They have trees. Come _on_," Bus Driver Stu said, annoyed. Ashley lowered her eyes. She sure didn't want to anger her secret thought-lover!

"I'm alternative," Ellie said, stepping on the bus.

"I'm alternative, tooooo!" Ashley whined.

"Yeah, but since I got on the bus first, I win at the alternative competition," Ellie called from the bus seat behind Bus Driver Sexyshoes.

"So that means if everyone gets on and I stay here, _you_ are the loser regular gal Friday and _I_ am Miss Unique USA…or, Canada, rather."

Everyone gasped. They weren't used to this kind of crazy malarkey!

Bus Driver Stu sighed. He knew this was a mistake. I mean, they all had zero body hair! Whatev, man. Whatev.

"Hey Ashley, Leatherface called, he wants his mask back," Ellie retorted.

"Uh, hello, 1994 called, they want their lame attempt at social stature back," Ashley fumed.

"Linkin Park called, they want you to kill yourself!"

"Good Charlotte called, they want their suckiness back," Ashley said.

"Ha! Like they could ever lose that," Ellie replied.

"Oh yeah…well..I SLEPT WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER." Gasps abound.

"Dude, just get on the bus," Spinner said.

"No, I'll walk," Ashley said. "I'm edgy that way!"

All the kids, sans Ashternative, got on the bus and drove away. Ashley began walking. Oregon or bust!


End file.
